Check out my new article on Funny or Die! It’s an open letter from the guy on a super hero team (like The Avengers) who doesn’t have any powers (like Hawkeye). Click “funny” and share, and all of that good stuff if you feel so inclined.
Dear Super Squad,
I wish I could say this was hard for me, but it’s not. It’s definitely time that I leave the Super Squad.
How a regular guy like me, without powers, has fought supervillains for the past four years and survived is insane. To be honest, none of it was fun. Most of it was terrifying and painful, even though you all seemed to enjoy yourselves and got through it with your wisecracks, generally jovial natures, and what-not.
I don’t want you to think I’m blaming you for having fun. If I was practically invincible I would have had a lot of fun, too. I don’t even blame Thoral The Powerful for throwing my parachute out of the plane that one time as a “joke” and making me jump without one. At the end of the day, he did catch me before I slammed into the ground, so it’s all good.
What finally made me realize I needed to quit was the fact that we fight a giant ape named Monstroso on a regular basis. When we’re not fighting him it’s some kind of robot army. I’ve never felt a fear greater than facing a robot army of thousands. I hope I never will.
If you missed it last week, check out my funny article from PointsInCase.com about a guy and girl who bring a grenade into their relationship to spice things up: The Most Exciting Relationship I Ever Had