I wrote this a few weeks ago but hesitated posting until now since people can’t seem to get their shit together and not shoot up a movie theater or a school every week. Despite these atrocities, hopefully we can still find the humor in this.
A letter from a student in response to the second year in a row of no school photos due to budget cuts:
After being ignored by the school faculty for so long, I’ve decided to take things into my own hands and execute a school shooting. I’ve made my choice and this is something I’m going to do. Each and every one of our student body deserves to be seen for who they really were at this school. They deserve to be shot.
Last year there was no year book due to lack of funding. With things going the way they are now, there won’t be a yearbook this year either. Instead of a yearbook, we’ll have my legacy. I will shoot every student personally, as well as every faculty member. Then I’ll make sure everyone sees it.
I’ve been amassing equipment for months now, and I have more than enough to take care of all the students. They’ll all look like angels when I’m done with them.
I’ll shoot Jessica and David together, since they’re such a lovely couple. They deserve to be done together. There are others who will get “special treatment.” I can’t stop thinking about how I’m going to shoot certain people. I daydream all day about bursting shots during football practice, getting the team when they least expect it.
Please don’t try and stop me. I’ll do this one by one, little by little, in the shadows if I have to.
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