Meet Sam. The guy who thinks “intern” means “hooker”

Meet Sam. Sam is like every other 30 year old white male in America except for one thing. Due to an adolescent misunderstanding of the Clinton trial, he thinks that “intern” means “hooker.”

Sam sits down with a laptop. He’s frustrated and overworked. His wife, Julia, notices.

JULIA
Do you need a snack, honey?

SAM
No. I can’t eat right now. I have so much to do for the business.

JULIA
You’re so overworked. You need an intern.

SAM
Very funny.

JULIA
I’m serious. I think it would be really good for you.

SAM
Wait. What?

JULIA
Yeah. Having someone help you out would be good for you.

SAM
You wouldn’t want to do that stuff?

JULIA
Oh, god no. Are you kidding?

SAM
Wow, that kind of makes me really sad, but as long you’re letting me do this, that’s cool.

JULIA
What’s to be sad about? I’m your wife, not your slave.

SAM
When you put it like that, yeah. I mean, this is awesome. It’s just crazy.

JULIA
It’s not that crazy. I just want you to be less stressed.

SAM
I don’t even know where to start to find one.

JULIA
Look online.

SAM
Online? That makes sense. I was kind of worried we’d need to cruise around the streets and pick one off the street.

JULIA
Hah! What were you thinking? We’d go pick up one of those guys in front of Home Depot?

SAM
Jesus. No. A woman. Definitely a woman.

JULIA
A woman? She better not be pretty. I’ll get jealous.

SAM
I think we’re well past that.

JULIA
You know who you could ask? Our neighbor Stan’s daughter.

SAM
Oh, my god. Are you serious? She’s not even out of high school.

JULIA
I think she’d like the experience before she goes off to college.

SAM
That just doesn’t seem like the best way to get experience.

JULIA
Why? She interned for her father for a little while last Summer.

SAM
Jesus, I’m going to be sick.

JULIA
You’re such a drama queen.

Julia looks on the computer.

JULIA
Here’s a good one. Do you want to check out her resume? She’s been around. A lot of experience.

SAM
Not exactly a high selling point for me, but that’s to be expected. I guess let’s try her.

JULIA
Ok. I’ll tell her to come in for an interview.

SAM
You think I need to interview her?

JULIA
Yeah. You need to make sure you two get along. So what kind of things are you looking for them to do anyway? Scheduling? Filing?

SAM
Suck my dick.

Julia gets straight faced.

JULIA
I don’t think that’s very funny. I think it’s disrespectful.

SAM
We’re already talking about a dirty intern.

JULIA
Dirty intern? You know I was an intern at my work before I got hired.

SAM
What?! The whole company?!

JULIA
Yeah. Duh.

SAM
I just can’t process this.

JULIA
Why do you have to make this hard? I’m just trying to help you. If you don’t want an intern, don’t get a damn intern-

SAM
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. (blurting out) I’ll take Stan’s daughter.

JULIA
Ok, great. I’ll call Stan and tell him to send her over tomorrow.

Julia leaves.

SAM
Holy shit. I’m getting an intern.

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